I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
