How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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