strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
