you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
