my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
