So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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