Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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