i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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