Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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