I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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