Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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