I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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