Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
