her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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