There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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