I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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