i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They took my balls.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
