In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
