Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
