Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize