my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
