What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
