I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize