If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
