Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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