could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
