I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
