If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
