he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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