We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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