I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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