He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
