Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
