Can Purell be used as lube?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize