If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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