Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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