Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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