She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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