OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
