"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
