a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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