I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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