I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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