I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
