Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
