Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
