You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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