oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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