Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize