I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
