I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
