Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
