Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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