remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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