I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
