I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
