So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
