Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hippo gnu deer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
