Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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