I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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