Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My penis needs a shock collar
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
