I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
