If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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