i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
