so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize