Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
