Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
