My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm passing your future prison.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
