U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize